I am walking a road that I thought I understood, having watched others before me travel it. I even foolishly tried to help. I didn't get it then. Boy, do I ever get it now.
If I ever tried to "help" you, then I offer my sincere apology. I was clueless. I am sorry.
Let me now help those who have not been here before. This is not an exhaustive list. I am certain that this is the first of many posts on this and similar topics. I am sure you will be able to guess what stage of grief I am in as you read onward. I don't mean to offend anyone, I just need to get my feelings out there somewhere so that I can process it all.
First, words. Of any kind. Do not say them. Insert smiley face here. All we really need are hugs and I'm sorrys, and the I love yous. The occasional it sucks is okay too. If your words start with anything else, even remotely sounding like advice-do us a favor and stop yourself. You see, we who are grieving are not rational, and when you try to "fix" us or the situation...well, it just makes us want to scream at you. It isn't that we think you don't care. We know that you care and genuinely want to help. It's just that it doesn't. It just gets lost in translation.
Your presence, your fixing a meal, a note that simply says I love you, sending a gift card to help with an expense or just to bless, those things are lifelines. We cling to any practical help. It makes us feel like we are not forgotten. Which leads to the next point.
We just want to know that you won't forget. That you will remember our plight, remember the person lost. If we are grieving, the person we are grieving was very important to us. They made a huge imprint on us, both positive and sometimes negative. We know that daily life goes on, but sometimes we just need the struggle/loss/person/or the mere fact we got out of bed that day to mean something to someone else. 'Nuff said on that topic.
Thirdly, pray, pray, and pray again. We need them. We need Him. We treasure the things we know to be true, but we are going through difficult moments. So please, pray for us to get through them with grace and hope.
Lastly for now, be patient with us. You might not understand why we do what we do or say what we say, like this post for instance, just be patient with us and try to love us anyway. We just need love and patience to carry us to the next place of our journey.
Although I used the collective "we" in this post, I guess I can't speak for everyone. I do think there are some universal issues, but I suppose I am guilty of trying to help. We seemed a gentler pronoun. Feelings and emotions are funny things, they aren't rational either. Thanks for reading.
If I ever tried to "help" you, then I offer my sincere apology. I was clueless. I am sorry.
Let me now help those who have not been here before. This is not an exhaustive list. I am certain that this is the first of many posts on this and similar topics. I am sure you will be able to guess what stage of grief I am in as you read onward. I don't mean to offend anyone, I just need to get my feelings out there somewhere so that I can process it all.
First, words. Of any kind. Do not say them. Insert smiley face here. All we really need are hugs and I'm sorrys, and the I love yous. The occasional it sucks is okay too. If your words start with anything else, even remotely sounding like advice-do us a favor and stop yourself. You see, we who are grieving are not rational, and when you try to "fix" us or the situation...well, it just makes us want to scream at you. It isn't that we think you don't care. We know that you care and genuinely want to help. It's just that it doesn't. It just gets lost in translation.
Your presence, your fixing a meal, a note that simply says I love you, sending a gift card to help with an expense or just to bless, those things are lifelines. We cling to any practical help. It makes us feel like we are not forgotten. Which leads to the next point.
We just want to know that you won't forget. That you will remember our plight, remember the person lost. If we are grieving, the person we are grieving was very important to us. They made a huge imprint on us, both positive and sometimes negative. We know that daily life goes on, but sometimes we just need the struggle/loss/person/or the mere fact we got out of bed that day to mean something to someone else. 'Nuff said on that topic.
Thirdly, pray, pray, and pray again. We need them. We need Him. We treasure the things we know to be true, but we are going through difficult moments. So please, pray for us to get through them with grace and hope.
Lastly for now, be patient with us. You might not understand why we do what we do or say what we say, like this post for instance, just be patient with us and try to love us anyway. We just need love and patience to carry us to the next place of our journey.
Although I used the collective "we" in this post, I guess I can't speak for everyone. I do think there are some universal issues, but I suppose I am guilty of trying to help. We seemed a gentler pronoun. Feelings and emotions are funny things, they aren't rational either. Thanks for reading.
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